An Epic Tale (or Tail)
I want a monkey tail.
I’m completely serious.
Christina has begged me not to write this, because she thinks it’s going to make people think I’m weird, but whatever. You know what I think is weird? NOT wanting a monkey tail.
And it’s not just because I’m a Dragon Ball fan, either. When you really think about it, having a monkey tail only serves to make your life easier. Let me paint a picture for you: “Oh no, my arms are full of these bags of groceries, how will I ever open the front door?” BAM. Monkey tail saves the day. Logic 1, Christina 0.
There was an episode of Batman Beyond (remember that show?) that focused on people who were splicing their DNA with animals, which I guess was supposed to be the futuristic version of getting a tattoo to piss off your parents. There was a girl with cat eyes, I think, and a guy with bull horns. There was nobody with a monkey tail, though, which leads me to believe that I am more awesome than the entire writing staff of a cartoon that has been cancelled for almost ten years.
If they ever make this a medical procedure for the public I will be lining up like I’m waiting for a Star Wars movie. I will have spent the night before cutting a hole in the backs of all my boxers.
I would use it for SO many things. I would use it for things that would be easier to do with my hands just for the sake of doing them with my new monkey tail. I could even talk on the phone while I play video games without having to do that awkward thing where you hold the phone between your ear and your shoulder that makes your neck feel like it’s going to snap off.
You’re at a party where there’s no place to sit down, and you want a plate of food but then you can’t hold your drink. Impossible dilemma? I THINK NOT. Monkey tail saves the day again.
9 Comments
I’d use that shit as a balancing mechanism to swing around on trees all day.
If I had the blessings of my boyfriend I’d totally splice wings on my arms. Flying is something I’ve always wanted to do.
Now I dont know if I would line up for a monkey tail first, but I cant decide what part I would get instead. But this line of thought leads me to the Robot conversations from Sealab, which causes me to giggle and lose my train of thought.
Screw animal parts. I think it’d be awesome to be a robot. But not some bulky metal box thing. I’m talking Reploids, like X or Zero. Hell, at least that way I’d be able to still look human, AND get cool powers! Win – win!
I think you are totally NOT weird for wanting a monkey tail. Personally if I could splice animal parts onto my body I would get wings of some sort, since flying would be really cool, but a monkey tail would be cool too. Hey, I’d take whatever I could get.
Man, never thought it would happened, but changing your focus away from video games actually made it WEIRDER. That’s like trying to clean something, but all you do is make it dirtier.
And yes, a monkey tail WOULD be awesome. What kind of person DOESN’T want one?
Christina; I can see why you wouldn’t want him to post it. It sounds weird.
BUT; It seems like the PK Bloggin’ community is weird. I’d want one for the record.
HolyshitBatmanBeyondwasmentionedcolosallyepicwin.
Also, I’m pretty sure you don’t have enough spine to pull off a monkey tail. You’d probably have to get cybernetic implants for it if you wanted it to be prehensile.
I am in the robot department. I think it would be the awesomest thing to have robot hands, like rocket fists. That would totally be the most badass thing ever, especially if I could control them.
As long as I don’t have to refuel via my bum.
Hmmm… body enhancments, huh?
I think I’d take Johnson’s Atomic-Powered Magnesium Claws!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axx_MUEOoaU#t=1m13s