I am going to try, most likely in vain, to use mere mortal words to describe Nintendo’s E3 press conference today.

Ahem.

It was freakin’ awesome.

It was nothing but absolute wonderful news from start to finish, the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles full to the rafters with amazing and exciting announcements. They made Microsoft look like a joke. Well, more than Microsoft did by themselves.

We saw the new Zelda for the Wii, Skyward Sword. Gorgeous, colorful worlds, blending the design of Twilight Princess with the cel-shaded color of Wind Waker. Mario Sports Mix, a compilation of volleyball, hockey, dodgeball and basketball all starring Nintendo’s plumber and his colorful cohorts. Wii Party, which is Mario Party minus Mario plus Miis. The return of Goldeneye. Disney’s Epic Mickey. The irresistibly charming Kirby’s Epic Yarn. Retro studios taking the reigns of Donkey Kong Country Returns.

All amazing games with literally something for everyone. This was before they even whipped out the big enchilada.

The Nintendo 3DS.

What’s it launching with?

A NEW KID ICARUS GAME. OH HELL YEAH.

The 3DS itself looks absolutely slick. The DS Lite and DSi are both great designs for a handheld, and the 3DS manages to look just as good. This time around we have an analog stick, which is a welcome addition. It even has a 3D camera on the outside, allowing you to take a picture of something and immediately view it in 3D on your screen.

Unfortunately, the 3D effect can’t be conveyed through video or pictures, but hands-on reports from the show all confirm that it works, and it works very very well. I can’t wait for the chance to see it hands-on. They didn’t announce a release date, but the document leaked a few months ago said holiday 2010. I doubt it’ll be that early, but I imagine it’s going to be sooner rather than later.

What games have been announced and shown for the 3DS? Metal Gear Solid. Resident Evil. Nintendogs + Cats. Animal Crossing. Mario Kart. PILOTWINGS. A remake of Star Fox 64. Professor Layton. Kingdom Hearts. Many others.

Including a remake of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time!

I am DYING for a 3DS right now. They set out to make it a must-own device and they have succeeded in SPADES.

The entire show was just spectacular. There was nothing that didn’t leave me impressed. This wasn’t like last year where they wasted time having Cammie Dunaway show off James Patterson’s Women’s Murder Club for the DS. Oh no. Nintendo was swinging for the fences on this one, and they knocked it out of the park.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword really doesn’t need me to explain much. It’s Zelda, we all know we’re going to love it. The graphics are amazing, though. The thing with Twilight Princess was that it was just too drab, all brown and yellow and gray. They’ve taken the older Link and put him in a colorful world more akin to the Zelda titles of old, and I think it works much better than their previous release. It requires the Wii Motion Plus, which they’re using in very cool ways. Enemies will block your attacks from certain angles and you’ll need to adjust your swings accordingly. Deku Babas will have mouths that open either horizontally or vertically, and you need to slice the direction of their open maw. It all looked well put together and I can’t wait to play it.

Kirby’s Epic Yarn was the surprise of the show for me and honestly it might have been the game that impressed me the most that wasn’t 3D. Kirby, as a yarn outline, jumping around a world made out of cloth and fabric that he can manipulate via zippers and buttons? He can change into things like a car, a UFO, and a giant robot? Yes please.

I was super stoked to see Donkey Kong Country Returns, and even more stoked to hear Retro Studios was behind it. They far exceeded everyone’s expectations with the Metroid Prime series and I expect they’ll do the same with Donkey Kong. The familiar music and sound effects went very well with the updated visuals, and I liked the new team-up moves that DK and Diddy were performing in the trailer.

Really, Nintendo absolutely won E3 this year. Who said they forgot about their core audience? In one E3, we have new Zelda, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Star Fox, and Kid Icarus games, plus a fantastic new piece of hardware. What more can you ask for?